FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 9‏

The next afternoon, as Anand, Vidya and Sindhuja waited at the airport, Anand spoke up “Vidya, after your in laws are here, I don’t think I will be able to visit your home often. I will miss you and Sindhuja a lot.”
Anand cast a look at Sindhuja playing nearby with a trolley and felt a sudden grief grip him.

“Yeah Anand, Sindhuja and I will miss you too. Sindhuja doesn’t probably realize it now, but once she stops seeing more of you, she will truly long for you.” said Vidya. Vidya knew that Anand’s presence in her life would minimise from now on and she felt her heart sinking. She knew this day would have come sometime, but when it did, she couldn’t acknowledge it gladly.

As the clock ticked, Vidya felt something vital slipping away from her hands. She didn’t want to let go of the wonderful days she had spent with Anand. She didn’t want to spend her evenings without him. She didn’t want to wake up everyday without a call from him, or go to sleep without hearing him say ‘Stay Happy’. She felt void from with in, and so badly wanted to cling to Anand and tell him to stay, to be with them, no matter what. She felt fraught and lonely already. Her feelings, her thoughts, and the sudden longing she felt for Anand, puzzled her.

Vidya continued to gaze at Anand. She let her thoughts drift to the past, to the times when she used to look up at Anand just for his one smile that would mean thousand words; his one pat that would encourage her to move mountains; his one word that would make her feel loved. Right from the college days, to this very moment, she realized how special Anand was to her. He understood her better than she could understand herself. She always knew how valuable she was to him, how very precious. She was amazed at how perfectly he fit into her life. She felt complete with him around. And she wanted to feel the same for the rest of her life – complete.

As Vidya looked at Anand lifting up Sindhuja and planting a kiss on her cheek, Vidya realized she was falling in love with him. It came as a shock and surprise to her, and she felt a sudden jolt within. She realized the separation that awaited them made her understand her feelings for him. She didn’t want to lose him too. She so badly wanted to run to him and confess her love for him. She wanted to tell him that he had won, and his undying and unconditional love for her had won; his love, care and affection had now become her fuel for living.

But she did not do it. She just stood there, looking at him, playing with Sindhuja. Vidya’s heart was heavy and tears filled up her eyes. She realized she couldn’t be his, shouldn’t be his. This was wrong; falling in love with some one else in spite of being married. This was a sin, she would be betraying Venkat if she remarried. She had fallen in love, blindly but she could surely prevent herself from committing another sin – of marrying Anand. She said to herself that Anand would surely get over her in time and move on, though she doubted it would ever happen. She believed that Anand deserves a better life, not a life with a widow and a mother of a four year old. She resolved to live with the memories of Anand, just the lovely memories.

The flight from Pune arrived in a few minutes and Vidya’s in laws were more than happy to meet Anand.

“Granny….Grand pa, I missed you both so much!” said Sindhuja and hugged them.

“We missed you too sweetie.” Said her grandpa and kissed her. He took a look at Vidya and smiled broadly and kissed her on her forehead while her mother in law hugged her.

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As Anand dropped them at their place and started reversing his car to head home, Vidya’s mother in law said “Beta, come home in the evening to have dinner with us. We would like your company very much.”

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The dinner went on with an air of uneasiness. Sindhuja kept on talking through out about the past few days that made Vidya and Anand more aware of the lovely moments they had shared.

“You know buddy took us to this zoo, it was so good. And then we went for a movie…..It was fun….He has taught me so many funny games…..And then mom and buddy got drenched in the rain and so she caught a cold….But then he took leave and took good care of her too…He cooks so well, granny!” Sindhuja said stuffing cake into her mouth.

Anand, Sindhuja and her grand pa went on to catch some cartoon movies while Vidya and her mother in law cleared up the dishes.

“Vidya, you mind if I ask you something personal?” asked her mother in law when they were cleaning the dishes.

“Of course not mom!” answered Vidya.

“I think Anand loves you. I could sense it. And you love him too. Don’t you?”

“Mom….I….Emmm…”

“See Vidya, the way you spoke to me on the phone about him; the way you looked at him at the airport when he shook hands with us; the way he looked at you when you hugged us; the way he so easily kept Sindhuja engaged through out; the way you bid a good bye to him, not wanting him to go; the way he turned his eyes away from you and took his car reverse. Everything, every single moment spoke volumes of your feelings toward each other. You have been so quiet and withdrawn since we landed dear. We coming here will reduce his presence in your life, and that makes you feel low, doesn’t it? Tell me frankly, do you love him? ”

“Mom, I…I….” Vidya hesitated.

“Do you love him or not Vidya? If you don’t, then I will never talk of this again and I will apologize for being such a prick.”

“I…..I……I love him…Yes I do. And he loves me too; since college days. He told me so. But he doesn’t know that I love him.” confessed Vidya weeping.

“What is holding you back Vidya?” asked her mother in law coming close to Vidya, and wiped her tears.

“Isn’t it wrong for me to fall in love with Anand? I don’t want to betray Venkat; I don’t want to forget that he was my first love.” Vidya said in a wobbly voice.

Her mother in law lay her hand on Vidya’s shoulder lightly and said “Vidya, you can’t hold on to the past and hide your face from the future. Sindhuja and Anand are you future. Venkat will forever be your first love. But it doesn’t mean you do not have the right to someone else’s love, or you cannot fall in love with someone else. Love is the only thing that is never exhausted. You need to realize that Venkat isn’t a part of your life anymore, just a part of your memories. You can’t keep grieving his loss Vidya; you need to move on.”

Vidya didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to respond. She let the meaning of her mother in law’s words sink in.

“Vidya, I would have never spoken of remarriage to you, but for the fact that you love Anand and he loves you and Sindhuja dearly. His love has brought a new glow to your face, a new meaning to your life. You would betray Venkat only if you let his memories haunt you, make you sad; deprive yourself of a happy life that you deserve. Venkat would never want to see you gloomy and depressed dear. He wouldn’t ever want to be the reason for your misery. If you love Anand and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you should marry him; let him be your better half for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t be replacing Venkat; you wouldn’t be able to do it even if you wanted to. This would just be a new chapter in your life, a new light to brighten up your dim life.”

Vidya’s mother in law waited for Vidya to respond.

After a while, Vidya spoke up “I don’t want people to look at Anand and say ‘Love is blind. He has married a widow who is a mother too!’ If Anand ever regrets marrying me, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

Her mother in law let out a deep sigh and said “Vidya, Love is not blind. Love understands. Love accepts, whole heatedly. When, you fall in love with someone who is ugly, it doesn’t mean love is blind. It means love understands that beneath that ugly face there is a heart that is truly priceless. When you fall in love with someone who is a handicap, it doesn’t imply love is blind. It implies love knows and accepts that lack of a leg or hand or an eye can never interfere with leading a happy and peaceful life with your loved one. Love dares us to live a life with our beloved, no matter what the limitations are. It is the love that counts; it is the love that lasts beyond everything.”

Vidya glanced helplessly at her mother in law, who was looking at Vidya attentively expecting some sort of response from her. But Vidya didn’t say a word. Vidya mother in law lifted Vidya’s chin, looked into her eyes and said “If you know in your heart that Anand’s love for you is true, then you will also realize that he will never regret marrying you. There is nothing fuzzy about it!” She left the kitchen without waiting for Vidya’s response.

Vidya sat in the silence for a long time fighting her emotions, trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. Her mind continued to confuse her with questions, even as her heart already knew the answer.

To be Continued............