And then the FIGHT STARTED...

*And then the fight started....*


1. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station....



And then the fight started.... ****



2. My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I
said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."



And then the fight started... ****



3. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible"
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe
my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"



And that's how the fight started ... ****



4. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"



And then the fight started..... ****



5. I rear-ended a car this morning So,there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
"I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and
said, "Well, then which one are you?"



And then the fight started..... ****



6. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about
the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."



And then the fight started..... ****



7. A woman is standing, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies,
"Your eyesight's darn near perfect."



And then the fight started.....

A story of friendship - worth reading

Let's see if you send it back. We all know or knew someone like this!!
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,


I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.


His name was Kyle.





It looked like he was carrying all of his books.





I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?





He must really be a nerd.'





I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.





As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.





They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.





His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him...





He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes





My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.





As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.'










They really should get lives.





' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'





There was a big smile on his face.





It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.





I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.





As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before..





He said he had gone to private school before now.





I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.





We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.





He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.





I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends





He said yes.





We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him..





Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.





I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!





' He just laughed and handed me half the books.





Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends..





When we were seniors we began to think about college.





Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.





I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never




be a problem.





He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship..





Kyle was valedictorian of our class.





I teased him all the time about being a nerd.





He had to prepare a speech for graduation.





I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak





Graduation day, I saw Kyle.





He looked great.





He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.





He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.





He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.





Boy, sometimes I was jealous!




Today was one of those days.





I could see that he was nervous about his speech..





So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'





He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.





' Thanks,' he said.





As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began





'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.





Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends....





I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.





I am going to tell you a story.'





I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
first day we met.





He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.





He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.





He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.





'Thankfully, I was saved.





My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..'





I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.





I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.





Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.





Never underestimate the power of your actions..





With one small gesture you can change a person's life.





For better or for worse.





God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.





Look for God in others.
Pass this on to your friends or
Delete it and act like it
didn't touch your
heart.







'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.'





There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.





Tomorrow is a mystery.





Today is a gift.

This is beautiful! Try not to cry.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'




The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mum, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mum. 'She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room...

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mum,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mum, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mum? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mum? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give ! you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mum, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.'

School Days

Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight .



Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."



Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.



Question: What is the full form of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students



Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE



Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday



Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!



Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'



Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)





Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

A nice perspective of lay offs

Once upon a time the government with Ruling Party XYZ.. had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Ruling Party XYZ Said.. "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. OK.

"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..

"How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.., "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they lay off the night watchman J