Story from Chennai

The coffee that had been given to me by the young maid in our house was obeying
some Law of Physics, studied by me in my school days, and was steadily losing
its heat to the surrounding atmosphere. Sitting next to that coffee is me - Yes,
I have that peculiar habit of asking for a coffee, when I am busy thinking about
something, and then forgetting to drink it. That too when I am trying hard to
find a solution to a problem, I let the coffee reach an undrinkable temperature,
before asking for an another cup of coffee, which nine out of ten times would
end up reaching the same fate as its predecessor.



The problem that I
was facing was to search for a girl friend. No. I was not
searching for a girl friend for myself. I am happily (sadly, if you insist on
the truth) married for the past two years; one year, ten months and six days to
be more precise. Rather, I was searching for a girl friend for my friend. I am
not even sure whether I could call him as my friend. Truth is that he was my
wife's best friend and hence become my friend by default. I first met him
two and a half years ago ...........



I was waiting at a restaurant, ready for my first date. First Date- This is how
I described my second meeting with my future wife to all my friends. Our first
meeting was an official bride seeing ceremony, where I could only see her for
few minutes among my fun making cousins, uncles, aunts and all those who are in
some way or other related to either of my parents or her parents. She was
wearing a saree, and here uncomfortable ness
in that clearly suggested that it
was for the first time she was wearing it.



Though I didn't talk to her then, I did talk to her non stop for hours in
mobile after our first meeting. It was then that we decided that we will meet in
some restaurant to get to know each other better. The first restaurant I
suggested to her was rejected by her - "food will be very bad there"
was the reason, second due to cost factor - "Oh damn, costly!" was her
reaction, and when I suggested the third, her tone suggested that she was
convinced that I had never been to any good restaurant in my life. She suggested
this restaurant - if my friend's feedbacks were true, this one was
definitely more costly than the second one I suggested. I didn't say
anything though, as I didn't want our first fight to be over a choice of a
restaurant.



As I ate the first course, I was sure the food quality was also bad than
the
first one I suggested, nevertheless I kept quiet, admiring the beauty of my wife
for the first time without the interruptions of the others.. It was then he came.



"Hi Praveen. How are you dude?" her face became extra bright on
seeing him.



"He is your bridegroom, isn't he?" - He said handing out his hand
towards me.



I shook his hand. Meanwhile her sweet voice was saying to me in the background
that he was her best friend.



Actually I was happy then that my wife had a good male friend. The last thing I
wanted was to marry a conservative girl, who never spoke to any other person of
the opposite sex and also expected the same from me. I couldn't even think
of ceasing to interact with my friend's and female colleagues, just for my
wife's sake. At the same time, at that point of time, I wanted to spend time
with her alone - I wanted to talk about so many things to
her - things that I
couldn't say with another known person near by. I felt it would be better,
if he leaves. After all this was our first date.



He must be a good mind reader. "Sorry guys for disturbing you in the
middle of your date. I will leave now. Will meet you later" - he said.



I wanted to say "Yes. Thank you. Please leave". But all that I ended
up saying was "No, no you can have dinner with us. It's a
pleasure." After all I'm a liberal person who doesn't mind his
wife/future wife having a male friend and I wanted to portray my liberal nature
to her at the first instance.



"No any ways, I got to leave. I have a personal work. Bye" - saying
he left. I was happy that he declined my invitation; but my happiness was short
lived.



Her face still had the same brightness that she acquired when he first came,
and she decided to fill her friend's absence by talking
about him. By the
end of the dinner, I couldn't say any of those things that I wanted to say
to her, but if whatever she said after Praveen left were to be true, then he
must be a better cricketer than Sachin, better writer than Jeffery Archer,
better music director than Illayaraja, better actor than Kamalahasan and better
singer than SPB.



However, what made me angry was the last statement made by her, "You
know" - she said, "It is very good to have friends of opposite sex.
But sorry, how will you know? Your mum said that you have never even spoken to
any other girl" - she said laughing.



"How does my mother know" -my tone was raised for the first time that
evening. Then I exaggerated and narrated about the female friends I had - I
didn't lie actually. I described the college friend who always called me to
get the study materials before the examinations as a "Best friend who
always
relies on me during crisis and calls me." - It isn't a lie,
right?



I don't think she believed whatever I said. She wanted me to believe all
that she said about her friend, but she will not believe things that I said
about myself. I didn't leave the restaurant; in the happy mode I entered it.
I wanted to prove her some how that even I had lot of friends in the opposite
sex.



When I was distributing the marriage invitation I made it a point to include as
many girls I know as possible in the guest list. I found it very hard to trace
the address of that best friend of mine, who called me for study materials, as
the last time she called me was before the final semester and that was solid
five years ago. I finally traced her address to Bubaneshwar and made it a point
to personally go there to invite her. Her husband and she both were equally
surprised that I took so much trouble to travel such a
long distance, when I
could have easily emailed them. They promised that they will come to my
marriage, although she said, her son's primary school has some function that
day. As I left her house, I thought I heard her say to her husband, "I was
not even a close friend to him. I don't understand why he traveled so long
just to invite me."



She didn't come to the marriage - her son may have persuaded her that his
school function is more important than the marriage of the guy - who used to
give her study materials in her college days. In spite of me dishing out
invitations - the only ladies who turned up for the marriage other than my
aunts, grandmas and mother's friends were two of my colleagues, and even
them left in half an hour.



On the other hand, Praveen was there for the entire marriage, and also helping
out in lot of arrangements. In middle of that, he also found time to come
and
giggle something to my wife, now and then. Her face always turned rosier, after
he said something. I don't know what made me angrier - he giggling with my
wife, or the fact that I didn't have any female friends to giggle with me.
Any ways I didn't show my anger - I did not want to be seen as a yet another
normal conservative husband, who couldn't digest the fact that his wife is
talking to her male friend during the marriage.



After the marriage - I had to find a new house, as I was still then staying
with my friends. Though my search for a new house began well before marriage -
all the houses selected by me were rejected by her - she invented new reasons to
reject each of them - one was too big, other too small, one too far away from
the city, other too close to highway, - she even rejected one saying that it was
too close to a police station. At the end I had to accept the house chosen by
Praveen,
near his house - the house described by her as a Heaven on Earth. I
felt it was the worst possible house in the worst possible location on earth -
but as you would have guessed it by now, I didn't offer this opinion to any
one and kept it within my mind.



Actually his trouble became more pronounced after the marriage. With both of us
working - weekends were the only time we got to spend together - and he made it
a point to visit us on exactly on the same day - and his logic was flawless.
"I could meet my friend only on weekends" - easily forgetting that his
visit means, I couldn't spend lonely moments with my wife even during
weekends. As usual, I didn't say anything and acted as a very happy host on
those weekends.



The major problem with these visits, were that whenever we were together on the
weekends, they made it a point to discuss things, about which I didn't
understand a word. "'By
the age of sixteen, the only thing he
didn't know about smuggling was how to spell it'- this is how he
describes about a spoiled teenager" - said my wife. Today, they were
discussing about a guy called Jeffery Archer. Praveen suddenly turned to me and
asked "Have u read Archer's novels?" He has that unusual knack of
asking questions to me, for which the only answer I could give was 'No'.



"I read only Tamil novels" - I blurted out.



"Oh! Exciting. Even I like Tamil novels more than English ones. Have you
read 'Ponnyin Selvan'? - He asked.



I had once seen that novel in our college library, when I went to get some
'No due' certificate there. (The only time I visited my college library
in four years was then) It was such a big novel with six volumes. Considering my
reading speed, if I had started reading it I'm sure I could never complete
reading it before I die. The largest
fiction I have read so far were the one
page short stories in Tamil magazine 'Kumudam'.



However I said "Yes" as I did not want to give yet another No as an
answer to him. But he seemed keen on irritating me. "Which character in
Ponnyin Selvan you like the most?" - He asked.



"Ah! Mmmm. I forgot the name. That heroine character. I like her very
much." - I said hoping such a big novel will have at least one heroine.



"Heroine. Whom you will call as heroine? Few may say it's Kundhavi;
but I differ with them. For me ........"



He went on speaking, and I didn't understand anything he said; but my
hatred towards him become more prominent, as my wife seemed very happy that my
ignorance has been exposed.



In few weeks time, both of them were convinced that I was worse at every thing
than either of them. I didn't help my cause any further, when I broke a
bulb
when I tried to change one, uprooted a rose plant when I was gardening, thinking
it was a weed, and by breaking a beautiful wall clock presented to her by her
college lecturer for our marriage, when I was trying to help her clean the
house. In their eyes I was a person who was good for nothing.



Then came that weekend, when there was an India - Australia test match. I was
happy because if there was anything on world I was bit knowledgeable about, it
was cricket. At least today I could prove to them, that I know more than them in
at least something I thought. We were watching the match - Sachin scored a
beautiful pull shot that bisected the fielders to the boundary. "Good
shot" - I said clapping my hands.



"Pointing is missing a trick here" - my wife commented.



"What?" - I exclaimed. I am that sort of cricket fan who only claps
hands when Sachin scores run and not bother
about the mistakes the opposition
captain is making.



"Sachin's legs are injured, and hence he won't be able to move
them properly. So Pointing should ask his bowlers to bowl full length, which
will induce the edge. They shouldn't be bowling this short pitched
stuff." - Praveen justified my wife's comment. I was the only soul
there without any support.



I decided to watch the match more seriously from then on, hoping to analyze
something before they could do. It was then I found out that Sachin was easily
milking singles behind the square on the leg side. "Eureka" I shouted
with in my mind.



"Pointing should have one more fielder there, behind the square. Sachin is
scoring singles easily in that region." - I said loudly proud of my
discovery.



"But there are already two fielders there" - my wife's only
purpose in life must be to disagree with what ever I
say.



"Why not one more fielder? They can move that fielder from point to there.
He is being wasted at point" - I wanted to win the argument at any cost.



They both laughed. "According to the laws of cricket, they are not
supposed to have more than two fielders behind the square." - Praveen said,
now controlling the laughter; but she was still laughing at my ignorance.



"Oh! When did they change the law?" - I looked perplexed.



"Long before we were born. After the controversial body line series
between ......" - Praveen went on narrating the salient points of that
series between England and Australia and why that law was introduced.



It was then I decided that I could never hope to be better than either of them
in any field. That actually frightened me. I was afraid that one day my wife
would come to me and say "Sorry. I could no longer live with good
for
nothing fellow like you. I will better marry my best friend". I can't
afford to lose my wife to this guy.



People like you might have decided of thousands of solution to the problem -
removing him from my path could be one solution - but my brittle heart would
never allow me to cause harm to any one leave alone murdering. Or I could say to
him directly to not to come to my house any more - but I didn't want to lose
my image and get that 'conservative husband with lot of suspicion about
wife' tag attached to me. So then I decided that I needed to find him a girl
friend. So that at least I could get to spend time alone with my wife. I
didn't mind getting humiliated by my wife. It's just that I didn't
want him to be there when I was getting humiliated. I also wanted to convey the
fact that I am going to search for a girl friend for him in such a way that, it
will also get me a good name from my wife,
that I am trying to help her friend.



I got that opportunity one day when he along with my wife came back late in
auto. The retired Government officer living opposite to our house looked at
three of us suspiciously. He must be wondering with in his mind about me,
"What kind of Husband is he? Allowing his wife to hang out with strangers
in night. " Even I felt the same about me. However I kept quiet as usual.



"He had a severe headache. I took him to hospital" - my wife said.

"See Praveen. This is why you should find yourself a girl friend and marry
her. They will help you very much when you have headaches like this" - I
said to him and looked at my wife proudly.



She smiled at me and said, "Ya, even I helped him (pointing to me) so
much, when he had head ache last week". Though the only help she offered
was getting me a tumbler of hot water to swallow my tablets, I didn't
differ
with her, as she was helping my cause.



"Will you help me get a girl friend?" - Praveen asked me.



"Ya sure. I replied." My wife looked at me more proudly now.



From the next day, I began my search for a girl friend for him. It was very
difficult; though Praveen didn't set any restrictions - no religion, caste,
language or nationality bar- it was difficult to satisfy the only condition he
set - that is he must like the girl. He said he was even ready to marry a girl
from Mars, if he liked her. I wished there were girls in Mars..



If he should like a girl, I was sure that the girl should be as knowledgeable
as him - not in one field - bit in wide range of fields from sports, politics,
history, environment, language, religion etc.. I did manage to find few girls,
and arranged Praveen to meet them, but he was yet to say whether he liked them.



It was
then I was sitting, letting my coffee go cold, as I narrated to you
earlier in the beginning. After few minutes, Praveen came into our house with a
big smile as usual and said "Sorry mate. You did select very good girls;
but unfortunately I didn't like any one of them."



"So the only girl you like is my wife, right?" - I wanted to shout in
anger.. Before I could do it, he came up with very happy news.



"But I found myself a girl friend. I am going to marry her in few
months."



"Wow" - I said "When will you introduce her to me?" - I was
very happy. My problems were going to be solved.



"I'm not going to say who it is; but already know her very well. Try
finding her out" - he said, as my face started to darken again. The only
girl I know very well is my wife, and I felt like crying.



"Religious Heads oppose Divorce" - he read the headlines in 'The
Hindu'
loudly. "Still these ultra conservatives exist? How on earth do
they expect a person to continue to live with a person even if she doesn't
like him, just because they are married? They should have the right to divorce.
Am I right? What do you say?



"Yes" I said mildly. I wanted to say, "Ya I approve divorce; but
not when my wife is going to divorce me to marry you". I kept quiet.



I couldn't sleep properly that night, though my wife was sleeping
peacefully next to me. I was wondering from when the other side of the bed would
be empty. I couldn't control it any more. I woke my wife at half past
eleven.



"What?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. "Do you know who
Praveen's girl friend is?" - I asked her knowing very well that the
answer would be "Who else other than me?".



"You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask this question?"
-she asked.




"Please tell me." - I literally begged her.



"It's Shanti."



"Shanti - our maid?"



"Ya"



"I thought that he was looking for some one as intelligent as him" -
I was happy that now my wife is not his girl friend.



"Do you think all people would like to marry people who are as intelligent
as them?" - She asked.



"That's what I thought" - I replied.



"If so, how on earth, do you think I agreed to marry you?".



I know she was taking a dig at me, but I had never felt happier before. I
pulled her close and hugged her, with out thinking about Praveen, for the first
time in our marriage life.

Believe in LOVE

How True Is Your Love

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.


You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I right??
-It isn't love, it's LUST.


Are you proud, and eager to show her off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.


Do you want her because you know she's there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.

Are you with her because it's what everyone wants??
-It isn't love, it's LOYALTY.


Are you with her because she kissed you, or held your hand?
-It isn't love, its LOW CONFIDENCE.


Do you stay for her confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt her?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.


Do you belong to her because the sight of her makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.


Do you pardon her faults because you care about her?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her every day she is the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.


Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for her sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.


Does your heart ache and breaks when she's sad?
-Then it's LOVE.


Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong?
-Then it's LOVE.


Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to her?
-Then it's LOVE.


Do you accept her faults because it's a part of who she is?
-Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with her faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.


Would you give her your heart, your life, your death??
-Then it's LOVE.


Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony?


Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
The answer is so simple because it's...LOVE.

SECOND CHANCE

It’s another morning..
….. Again I have to go to office.

Ohh, this is me… I shouted having a glance on my snap in today’s news paper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??

Strange…

One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don’t remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.

Its morning now, ohh….. It’s already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me.

Where is everyone…??? I screamed.

“I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check.” I said to myself.

So many people….. Not all of them crying…
But why some of them crying…

WHAT IS THIS??? I m laying there on the floor…

“I AM HERE” … I shouted!!! No one listen.
“LOOK I AM NOT DEAD” … I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.

I went back to my bed room.

“Am I dead??” I asked myself.

Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?

I found them in the next room, all of them were crying… still trying to console each other.

My wife was crying… she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his mom was sad.

How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I m … just because of u ??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have done most of the wrong things in my life… thanks for being there always when I need them… and sorry for not being there when they really need me..

I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears…
Ohh… he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.

I went there.. And offered him my hand, “Dear friend… I just want to say sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me.”

No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry… even then!!!
I really don’t care for such people.

But one sec…. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness… AM I REALLY DEAD???

I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying…

“OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS…”
I just wasn’t to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much I love them.

My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
“YOU R BEAUTIFUL” I shouted.
She didn’t hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never said this to her.

“GOD!!!!” I screamed… a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
I cried…

One more chance please… to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life….

Then I looked up and cried!!!!

I shouted….

“GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!”

"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I was sleeping….
Ohh that was just a dream….

My wife was there… she can hear me…
This is the happiest moment of my life…
I hugged her and whispered…. “U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE…. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR”

I can’t understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I m happy…. J


“THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND? CHANCE.”

So, Now it’s not late.. Forget your egos, past……….., and express your love to others………. Be friendly…………… keep smiling and be happy for ever……. Cheers

Don't drift away

I was thinking of old friends today

and how many of them have slipped away.

Moved, got married, or stopped calling so much,

Found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch.

It reminded me of falling leaves.

Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees.

Some stay longer than others, but eventually -

Each leaf must fall, I'm told,

leaving the tree alone to face the cold.

Why is it that in the time of utmost need

the leaves would seek to leave the tree?

And when we need our friends around us

We look and they cannot be found?

Of course these friendships come and go

and in the spring new leaves will grow.

But I prefer autumn friends of old

with crackling laughter and colors bold.

And then I thought of you.

That one stubborn leaf that won't let go.

That clings despite the winds that blow.

Fighting ice, and snow, and winter's stings

hanging on right through till spring.



So I guess that's what you are to me -

The very last leaf to leave the tree.

I know it seems silly, but it's true.

When I see that last leaf...I think of you.

....don't drift away.... will you???

FUEL FOR LIVING - LAST PART‏

“Anand, I need to talk to you. Can you please come out for a minute?” said Vidya appearing at the door.

Sindhuja was sitting on Anand’s lap clapping her hands with joy, engrossed in the movie. Anand placed Sindhuja on the mattress and walked out. Vidya’ in laws continued to watch the movie with Sindhuja.

Vidya and Anand walked out to the garden. Vidya stood a step ahead of Anand with her back facing him.

“Anand….I….Well…..” she hesitated.

“Vidya, is something wrong? Does your mother in law have a problem with me moving so close with you and Sindhuja? I can talk to her…and tell her that my intentions are just to make you happy.” said Anand with a worried look on his face.

Vidya looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. “She already has a fair idea about that, Anand. I want to speak you about something else.”

“Oh, then what is it Vidya?” asked Anand raising his eyebrows.

Vidya debated within herself trying to choose the best way to put across her decision to him. At the end, she started with what seemed to be appropriate.

“Anand, I don’t know if this is all right or wrong, but the idea of me being away from you has made me restless and so unhappy. When you are around I am happy, Sindhuja is happy, it’s like….you…you complete our family. We have spent only few days with each other, but I have got so much used to your presence, Anand. Your love, your care, your affection, it has given me a new strength to move on. You have given a new meaning to my life.” She said.

Anand was struggling to figure out where this could be leading to.

“When I heard of Venkat’s death, I wanted to die too. I felt like someone had taken my heart away and that I would never be able to love anyone again. I felt there was no love left in me to shower on any man. I felt I will forever lead an incomplete life. It was only for Sindhuja that I continued to live.” she said in a low voice.

“Vidya…” he interrupted her.

She turned her body towards him, looked into his eyes and continued “Let me finish this Anand. And then you came, showering love on me all over again, awakening the feelings in me that I believed had died long back. Your unconditional love for me left me puzzled and astonished. You made me smile and laugh, you made my daughter happy; you gave us everything that we had lost hope of ever getting.”

“Anand I want you to realize that Venkat will forever be a part of my memories.” Vidya said folding her hands across her chest. Anand gave her a puzzled look and let her continue. “And I know you don’t have a problem with that.”

“And now, I am so addicted to you and your love Anand. I want to live with you forever. I love you Anand, I love you so much. I thought it was wrong, wrong for me to love someone other than Venkat. But now I realize that it would be wrong only if I let my past ruin my future. I want to marry you Anand. I don’t want to live without you.” said Vidya wiping her tears.

Anand stood there in astonishment, not knowing what to say. Hearing these words from Vidya’s mouth had left him speechless. All these days, he loved Vidya, never expecting her to love him in return. And now when she did, it overwhelmed his senses. Vidya looked at him with a shy smile. He reached for her chin, lifted it and planted a kiss on her lips. She blushed.

“I love you Vidya.” He said and hugged her.

Vidya let his strong arms wrap around her and felt his strength seep into her body. She wondered how easily she fit into his arms. Back in the kitchen, she had fought her inner demons, killed the doubts, and had decided to confess her love to Anand. In her heart, she thanked the God above, her in laws and Venkat, as she rested her head against Anand’s chest and sighed deeply in contentment.

-----

“Excuse me, can I join in too?” Sindhuja asked running towards Anand.

“Of course, you can darling.” Anand replied, letting go off Vidya and lifting Sindhuja in his arms.

“Sindhu, Anand has planned to move in with us and be your daddy from now on. He will live with us. How does that sound to you?” Vidya asked her daughter unsure what Sindhu’s reaction would be.

On hearing this, Sindhu’s eyes brightened up and she smiled broadly. “Wow! Really? So can I call you daddy?” asked Sindhuja looking at Anand.

“Yes sweetheart.” Anand replied kissing her.

“So, you will not need to go back to your home everyday?”

“No”

“Will you read bedtime stories to me every night?”

“Yes baby”

“You will come to India with us?”

“Yes!”

“Wow!” Sindhuja clapped her hands with enthusiasm and kissed Anand on his cheek. Anand kissed her back gently.

“Daddy, now can we go back and continue watching the movie? I have put the movie in pause.” said Sindhuja eagerly.

They walked into the home; Anand carrying his daughter in his right arm and Vidya holding Anand’s left arm. As they walked, Vidya slid her hand into Anand’s and intertwined her fingers with his. Anand gave her hand a delicate squeeze and she responded by smiling at him. Vidya realized this is right; Anand being his husband and Sindhuja’s father is right; Anand being a part of their life, their family is right.

Once inside, Vidya ran up to her mother in law. “Mom, thanks for helping me decide.” She turned to her father in law who was now smiling. “Dad, thank you so much.” Vidya said hugging them both.

“Your happiness means a lot to us Vidya. We have lost our son, and its only Sindhuja and you who are our family. Stay happy!” her mother in law said with tearful eyes.

----- The End ------

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 9‏

The next afternoon, as Anand, Vidya and Sindhuja waited at the airport, Anand spoke up “Vidya, after your in laws are here, I don’t think I will be able to visit your home often. I will miss you and Sindhuja a lot.”
Anand cast a look at Sindhuja playing nearby with a trolley and felt a sudden grief grip him.

“Yeah Anand, Sindhuja and I will miss you too. Sindhuja doesn’t probably realize it now, but once she stops seeing more of you, she will truly long for you.” said Vidya. Vidya knew that Anand’s presence in her life would minimise from now on and she felt her heart sinking. She knew this day would have come sometime, but when it did, she couldn’t acknowledge it gladly.

As the clock ticked, Vidya felt something vital slipping away from her hands. She didn’t want to let go of the wonderful days she had spent with Anand. She didn’t want to spend her evenings without him. She didn’t want to wake up everyday without a call from him, or go to sleep without hearing him say ‘Stay Happy’. She felt void from with in, and so badly wanted to cling to Anand and tell him to stay, to be with them, no matter what. She felt fraught and lonely already. Her feelings, her thoughts, and the sudden longing she felt for Anand, puzzled her.

Vidya continued to gaze at Anand. She let her thoughts drift to the past, to the times when she used to look up at Anand just for his one smile that would mean thousand words; his one pat that would encourage her to move mountains; his one word that would make her feel loved. Right from the college days, to this very moment, she realized how special Anand was to her. He understood her better than she could understand herself. She always knew how valuable she was to him, how very precious. She was amazed at how perfectly he fit into her life. She felt complete with him around. And she wanted to feel the same for the rest of her life – complete.

As Vidya looked at Anand lifting up Sindhuja and planting a kiss on her cheek, Vidya realized she was falling in love with him. It came as a shock and surprise to her, and she felt a sudden jolt within. She realized the separation that awaited them made her understand her feelings for him. She didn’t want to lose him too. She so badly wanted to run to him and confess her love for him. She wanted to tell him that he had won, and his undying and unconditional love for her had won; his love, care and affection had now become her fuel for living.

But she did not do it. She just stood there, looking at him, playing with Sindhuja. Vidya’s heart was heavy and tears filled up her eyes. She realized she couldn’t be his, shouldn’t be his. This was wrong; falling in love with some one else in spite of being married. This was a sin, she would be betraying Venkat if she remarried. She had fallen in love, blindly but she could surely prevent herself from committing another sin – of marrying Anand. She said to herself that Anand would surely get over her in time and move on, though she doubted it would ever happen. She believed that Anand deserves a better life, not a life with a widow and a mother of a four year old. She resolved to live with the memories of Anand, just the lovely memories.

The flight from Pune arrived in a few minutes and Vidya’s in laws were more than happy to meet Anand.

“Granny….Grand pa, I missed you both so much!” said Sindhuja and hugged them.

“We missed you too sweetie.” Said her grandpa and kissed her. He took a look at Vidya and smiled broadly and kissed her on her forehead while her mother in law hugged her.

------

As Anand dropped them at their place and started reversing his car to head home, Vidya’s mother in law said “Beta, come home in the evening to have dinner with us. We would like your company very much.”

-----

The dinner went on with an air of uneasiness. Sindhuja kept on talking through out about the past few days that made Vidya and Anand more aware of the lovely moments they had shared.

“You know buddy took us to this zoo, it was so good. And then we went for a movie…..It was fun….He has taught me so many funny games…..And then mom and buddy got drenched in the rain and so she caught a cold….But then he took leave and took good care of her too…He cooks so well, granny!” Sindhuja said stuffing cake into her mouth.

Anand, Sindhuja and her grand pa went on to catch some cartoon movies while Vidya and her mother in law cleared up the dishes.

“Vidya, you mind if I ask you something personal?” asked her mother in law when they were cleaning the dishes.

“Of course not mom!” answered Vidya.

“I think Anand loves you. I could sense it. And you love him too. Don’t you?”

“Mom….I….Emmm…”

“See Vidya, the way you spoke to me on the phone about him; the way you looked at him at the airport when he shook hands with us; the way he looked at you when you hugged us; the way he so easily kept Sindhuja engaged through out; the way you bid a good bye to him, not wanting him to go; the way he turned his eyes away from you and took his car reverse. Everything, every single moment spoke volumes of your feelings toward each other. You have been so quiet and withdrawn since we landed dear. We coming here will reduce his presence in your life, and that makes you feel low, doesn’t it? Tell me frankly, do you love him? ”

“Mom, I…I….” Vidya hesitated.

“Do you love him or not Vidya? If you don’t, then I will never talk of this again and I will apologize for being such a prick.”

“I…..I……I love him…Yes I do. And he loves me too; since college days. He told me so. But he doesn’t know that I love him.” confessed Vidya weeping.

“What is holding you back Vidya?” asked her mother in law coming close to Vidya, and wiped her tears.

“Isn’t it wrong for me to fall in love with Anand? I don’t want to betray Venkat; I don’t want to forget that he was my first love.” Vidya said in a wobbly voice.

Her mother in law lay her hand on Vidya’s shoulder lightly and said “Vidya, you can’t hold on to the past and hide your face from the future. Sindhuja and Anand are you future. Venkat will forever be your first love. But it doesn’t mean you do not have the right to someone else’s love, or you cannot fall in love with someone else. Love is the only thing that is never exhausted. You need to realize that Venkat isn’t a part of your life anymore, just a part of your memories. You can’t keep grieving his loss Vidya; you need to move on.”

Vidya didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to respond. She let the meaning of her mother in law’s words sink in.

“Vidya, I would have never spoken of remarriage to you, but for the fact that you love Anand and he loves you and Sindhuja dearly. His love has brought a new glow to your face, a new meaning to your life. You would betray Venkat only if you let his memories haunt you, make you sad; deprive yourself of a happy life that you deserve. Venkat would never want to see you gloomy and depressed dear. He wouldn’t ever want to be the reason for your misery. If you love Anand and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you should marry him; let him be your better half for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t be replacing Venkat; you wouldn’t be able to do it even if you wanted to. This would just be a new chapter in your life, a new light to brighten up your dim life.”

Vidya’s mother in law waited for Vidya to respond.

After a while, Vidya spoke up “I don’t want people to look at Anand and say ‘Love is blind. He has married a widow who is a mother too!’ If Anand ever regrets marrying me, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

Her mother in law let out a deep sigh and said “Vidya, Love is not blind. Love understands. Love accepts, whole heatedly. When, you fall in love with someone who is ugly, it doesn’t mean love is blind. It means love understands that beneath that ugly face there is a heart that is truly priceless. When you fall in love with someone who is a handicap, it doesn’t imply love is blind. It implies love knows and accepts that lack of a leg or hand or an eye can never interfere with leading a happy and peaceful life with your loved one. Love dares us to live a life with our beloved, no matter what the limitations are. It is the love that counts; it is the love that lasts beyond everything.”

Vidya glanced helplessly at her mother in law, who was looking at Vidya attentively expecting some sort of response from her. But Vidya didn’t say a word. Vidya mother in law lifted Vidya’s chin, looked into her eyes and said “If you know in your heart that Anand’s love for you is true, then you will also realize that he will never regret marrying you. There is nothing fuzzy about it!” She left the kitchen without waiting for Vidya’s response.

Vidya sat in the silence for a long time fighting her emotions, trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. Her mind continued to confuse her with questions, even as her heart already knew the answer.

To be Continued............

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 8

“HHHHuuuuuTTTtccchhhh” Vidya sneezed. She had been sneezing for the past ten minutes.

Anand handed her a cup of warm water. “Oh! Vidya! You caught a cold so easily! I am so sorry!” said Anand and sat beside her.

They had enjoyed their share of the rain for almost an hour before being forced into the house by Vidya’s sneezes.

“Yeah..I...…HHHHHuuuutttccchhhhh. Not your fault.” Vidya wiped her nose on the tissue paper. Her nose was reddened. “I will have to take leave tomorrow. If I sneeze like this in my office, my colleagues will go crazy! They are so petrified by this cold! ” said Vidya and drank the warm water.

“Oh! Alright! I’ll come and take you to the doctor tomorrow.”

“HHHHHuuuutttccchhhhh….ok”

------

The next morning Anand was at Vidya’s place by 7, preparing breakfast.

“I could have managed Anand, you shouldn’t have troubled yourself.” said Vidya sipping her coffee.

“Come on Vidya! I have taken the day off too, and am glad to be doing something useful.” He said and continued to beat the egg.

Vidya felt touched by his concern. Anand never seemed to think twice before doing anything for her. She couldn’t help but feel elated by the love he was showering on her.

------

After preparing the breakfast, Anand was busy helping Sindhuja get ready for her school.

“Buddy, I think you are getting it all wrong!” said Sindhuja with suspicion as Anand gathered her hair in his hand and combed through it. The comb didn’t come out and Anand tried to pull it out.

“Ooouccchhhh” Sindhuja pulled her hair away from Anand and frowned at him.

“Oops, I am sorry I hurt you. On second thoughts, you go to your mom and get it done. We’ll start for your school in another ten minutes” said Anand.

------

“Bye buddy! Bye mom!” said Sindhuja getting down from the car and running towards the school.

“Bye darling.” Said Anand and drove away from the school towards the hospital.

-----

“Anand, my in laws were really happy when I told them about you!” said Vidya to Anand as she kept the phone back on hook.

They were back at home after visiting the doctor; finished their lunch and Vidya had just spoken to her in laws.

“What did you tell them?” asked Anand cleaning the dishes.

“I told them that I have a wonderful person here to take care of me and Sindhuja. I told them you are a good friend of Venkat too. They asked me to thank you on their behalf. And, they will be here this Friday I believe; coming earlier than planned. They got their visas and tickets too. They don’t want me to struggle alone here.” said Vidya in a low voice.

“That’s very sweet of them! It is certainly good for you!” said Anand, wiping his hands and proceeded to get the tablets for Vidya. “Our trip to Island will have to wait for now then.” He said as an afterthought.

They walked into the hall.

“I hate tablets Anand!” said Vidya making a disgusting face.

“I hate them too, but they will help you feel better! Here, gulp it down!” he said and handed over the tablets and some water to her.

She swallowed them and sat back on the couch.

Anand looked at her. The wrinkles under her eyes were darkening day by day and it annoyed him. She was over working. He knew that. He was glad that her in laws were coming, but at the same time he knew it would lessen the time he could spend with Vidya and Sindhuja and it thwarted him.

Vidya feeling better the next day, resumed office. Anand continued to pick up Sindhuja in the evenings to spend time with her. He would then pick up Vidya from office, have dinner with them at their place and then head home.

------

These seemingly last days with each other, made Anand and Vidya closer; they would sit at nights talking for a long time about the past. They shared more about themselves and were puzzled at how different their thoughts were, yet how similar.

“I hate politics Anand; never can understand what drives people to it.” said Vidya one night.

“Power, Control and Money!” replied Anand.

“Hmm...Politicians are turning our country into a laugh riot! All they do is blame each other and let the common man suffer.”

“Yes and it is us, who let them do it. We are all too busy in our lives, our pleasures, and our anguish that we seldom pay attention to our country. A bomb blast today will hover in our minds for a week or so, and then we carry on with our lives. And then wait for the next bomb blast to protest and it dies out too. It has become a routine.”

“Hmmm….That’s true.”

Such conversations had become habitual. They never wanted the nights to end, couldn’t let go off each other.

Some times, a strange silence would drift in the air, and they both would sit in the garden staring at the sky.

“I have always tried to see if I can see Venkat’s face in the stars.” said Vidya looking at the stars. She folded her knees, drew them close to her chest, and wrapped her hands around them.

“Effect of too much Hindi movies, I believe. Vidya, Venkat is in your heart, your mind. You needn’t look for him any where else. He is within you, loving and guiding you.” said Anand.

“That’s what I tell Sindhuja.” said Vidya resting her chin on her knees.

“And that is what is true. Deep in your heart, the memories that you hold of him will keep you both united. No one will ever be able to steal the lovely moments you have shared with him. His love for you, the affection he had for you, everything will forever be part of your life.” Anand said looking at her. Vidya smiled.

“You have been loved, and that is the most precious of gifts, Vidya.” Anand said with a smile and turned his head to gaze at the stars.

Vidya looked closely at Anand; she admired him for his ability to so easily bring her out of the blues. Anand wasn’t being loved by her, he didn’t belong to her, and she didn’t belong to him. Yet here he was sitting and sharing his life with her; telling her that she is lucky to have been loved once. But for him, she would have sulked through out the night, the way she often did back in India. She would have shut herself in her room and cried her heart out. She would have cursed Venkat for leaving her, the God for taking him away. But now, she was calm, a strange feeling of contentment ruled her, and she felt oddly at peace. The talks continued for some time, and as it was their last night together, they didn’t want it to end.

It was getting quite late and Anand reluctantly started to his home. As Vidya stood at the door waving at Anand, she remembered the first night when he had come home, and how disturbed he was to hear of her loss. She realized their relationship had come a long way from then; this relationship they shared was different from the friendship they shared in college, somewhat different, somehow better. Though she wasn’t sure whether their relationship had any future; or whether they would just part once again as friends.
To be Continued.....

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 7‏

On the following day, they all went for shopping. Vidya picked up a walking stick for her father in law and a woollen pullover for her mother in law. Sindhuja wanted to watch ‘Escape to Madagascar – part two’ that was being screened in the theatres. Vidya wanted to head back home and finish off her house hold chores. At the end, Sindhuja and Anand convinced Vidya for the movie after promising her that he and Sindhuja would help in cleaning the house too.

“Buddy, are you really going to make me dry clothes and iron them?” asked Sindhu with eyes wide open while they waited to buy tickets. Vidya was buying candies for Sindhu and popcorn for herself.

“Of course not, that was just to make your mom agree for the movie!” said Anand and winked at Sindhuja.

They bought the tickets and took the seats with Vidya and Anand on either sides of Sindhuja. Sindhuja was totally engrossed in the movie and Anand was keeping her good company. Vidya could see Sindhuja holding onto Anand’s shirt to ask him questions. Anand would every time smile, make figures in the air and answer Sindhuja which would make her jump in joy. Vidya couldn’t help but wish that Sindhuja’s happiness prolonged for her lifetime.

The movie was funny and entertaining. It was a feel good movie, and as expected best suited for kids. Anand and Vidya had enjoyed the movie too. Sindhuja and Anand came out of the theatre shaking their hips and singing ‘He likes to move it, move it; she likes to move it move it; we like to move it, move it!”. Vidya had to tell them to calm down since people had started looking at them and smiling. Sindhuja wanted an ice cream and Anand fetched it for her.

Anand returned with two cones in his hand.

“I don’t want two!” said Sindhuja.

“This one is for you and this for your mom!” said Anand handing them the ice creams.

“I am not a kid Anand! I don’t eat ice creams!” said Vidya with a soft laugh.

“Just taste it!” said Anand and handed over the ice cream to Vidya.

Vidya licked it, and the taste of it, the creaminess in it melted her senses. She couldn’t help but continue to lick it all the way to her home. It was almost 8 by the time they reached home and got inside. Vidya made some ready made parathas and side dish, which all three of them ate. They decided to take rest before starting the cleaning part. Vidya lay on the couch while Anand stretched out on the floor with Sindhu sitting beside him. The carpet was warm enough.

The three of them chatted about the movie for a while; after which Vidya watched Sindhu get up and sit on Anand’s tummy to play some games. Anand and Sindhuja were totally engrossed in each other, laughing, teasing. In some time, Sindhu stretched out on Anand’s body. Anand cradled his arms around her and ran his hands over her hair. Sindhu was soon fast asleep. Anand turned his head towards Vidya and caught her looking lovingly at her daughter. He cast a questioning look at her to which Vidya replied with a content smile. She closed her eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

------

An hour later when she woke up she found a blanket wrapped over her and the lights switched off. She went into her room and found Sindhu sleeping peacefully with the blanket over her and her doll placed next to her. Vidya tiptoed into the kitchen and found Anand cleaning the dishes with her apron wrapped around him.

“Anand! You could have woken me up!” Vidya said walking into the kitchen.

Anand replied calmly “No fellow with a heart would do it! You were so tired Vidya!”

“But still, let me do this.” She said reaching for the dishes.

“No madam, you will sit and talk while I wash the dishes, and then we can move on to the vacuum cleaner!” Anand said pushing her hand away.

“Oh, come on…”

“Nope, am not coming anywhere. Take a chair, sit and talk…” said Anand getting back to his work.

Vidya sighed and pulled out a chair and sat on it.

“Anand, it has been so long since I ate an ice cream or felt so child-like. You made me feel good, I felt young after a long time. Since Venkat passed away, I have been too busy trying to be a mother.” said Vidya with a sigh.

Anand just nodded. Looking at him, Vidya felt she was being heartless by letting him get so close to her, in spite of knowing that she might never be able to give him what he needs.

“Vidya, you need not feel guilty about anything that’s happening. If there’s any thing that makes me happy, it’s being around you and Sindhuja, taking care of you both and catering to your needs.” said Anand as if reading Vidya’s mind.

“Hmmm….Sometimes I feel an urge to go searching for Venkat. I just want to leave everyone behind to find my love and be with him. And sometimes I feel the world is such a nice place to live in, with so many people to love me. Why should I be sad at all?”

Vidya continued after a pause “And now your coming into my life has certainly spruced it up even more. When you are around, I don’t feel lonely, when you are around I feel safe. When you are around, I feel happy. But when I think of all the hurt I have given you, and realize what you have for me is true love, I can’t help but feel guilty.” She finished and looked at Anand.

“Vidya, I love you and that is never going to change. My love for you is unconditional and it gives me a strange peace even knowing that you might never return my love. All these years, although I couldn’t be happy with you, I was happy for you. All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy every single moment of your life. As for me, every moment with you and Sindhu is a unique gift that I shall cherish forever, no matter what. Loving you has become my fuel for living. You have no reasons to feel guilty.” said Anand honestly, wiping his hands on the apron.

Vidya still couldn’t bring herself to accept Anand’s presence in her life. “But I feel guilty about letting you get close to me and Sindhuja when knowing that possibly, I might never be able to act in response to your love.”

Anand came near Vidya, took her hands into his and with a warm smile uttered the following words, "While you are worried about what you may never be able to give me, let me tell you about the wonderful gifts you have given me till now. You have made me fall in love Vidya. It has been a fascinating journey from the day I had fallen in love with you. I have learnt a lot about myself and life from my love for you. Over the years, I have realized that, to be in love means not to be afraid of losing your loved one. You can be not afraid only when you don't expect anything from your loved one. When you don't expect anything from your loved one, you don't care what your loved one thinks of you. When you don't care what your loved one thinks of you, you are free to be yourself. And to be ‘yourself’ every single moment is a life in harmony. I have been living my life in harmony Vidya, thanks to you. And the least I ask of you is to allow me to make you happy, for the rest of your life." And with this, Anand hunched and placed a warm kiss on Vidya's forehead.

With tears brimming, Vidya looked at Anand with affection. Slowly, Vidya began to realize that she was becoming increasingly defenceless against this unfathomable love that Anand seemed to have for her.

“Hey it’s raining! Come…..Come…..let’s go and get drenched!” Anand said pulling Vidya out of her chair, and thoughts.

“Anand, are you crazy??!” said Vidya struggling to keep up with him.

He pulled her to the garden with her. They saw an old couple next door holding hands, strolling in their garden, getting drenched.

“Hey pal, enjoying the rain eh?” shouted Anand to them.

“Yes, it is lovely, isn’t it?” replied the man in an enthusiastic voice.

“You bet!” said Anand.

“Aren’t they too old for this?” Vidya whispered in Anand’s ears.

“From what I see, their hearts don’t seem to have wrinkles yet, dear!” replied Anand in a cheerful voice.

Vidya let the rain wash her over, she felt ecstatic. The first rain of the season always brings the purest of water, it is believed. Anand watched Vidya move in circles with her arms wide open, eyes half closed and a smile over her face. She held out her hand asking Anand to join her. He hesitated for a second before getting hold of her hand.
To be Continued............

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 6‏

Vidya handed over a cup of coffee to Anand and sat on the couch beside him.

Anand placed the cup on the table and looked at Vidya.
“Vidya, I owe you an explanation about what happened today afternoon. I have a justification for my action and I should say I am not ashamed of what I did. ” said Anand looking Vidya in the eyes.

Vidya continued to sip her coffee.

“Vidya, it was just an act of instinct. The happiness that radiated from your face urged me to look closely at you, to search in your eyes, the answers to the questions I have been asking myself for so long.”

Vidya now looked intently at Anand. She was listening, listening with all her heart and mind, not knowing where this was leading to.

“I have always loved you, loved you since the moment I set my eyes on you. I love you, I still love you Vidya.”

Vidya was shocked on hearing this and if there was any anxiety in her, she hid it well.

“All these years, it’s only your memories that has been with me, made me happy and helped me breathe.”

“Anand…” Vidya spoke up but Anand dismissed her with a wave of his hand and continued.

“Let me finish this Vidya. If there was anything in my life that I had longed for, it is you. But the moment I learned that you loved Venkat, I had to let you go, but I couldn’t let my love for you go. I couldn’t make myself love any other woman or think of anyone else as my wife. I just couldn’t. So, I led my life with only your memories as my partner, hopeful that you were happy with Venkat.”

Anand held back his tears and continued while Vidya bit her lips and kept the coffee aside.

“And now after all these years, you come back into my life, hurt, torn and shattered. I cursed the God above….your fate…..my fate, to have put us through all this. You were meant to be happy, forever. But what destiny has made you today is intolerable. All I want to do is bring back the happiness in to your life; if not by being your husband, at least by being a good friend.”

Anand paused for a moment and looked at Vidya. Her expressions were composed; her face didn’t give her heart away. Anand continued “This confession today is not a proposal Vidya. I know its tough for you to get over Venkat so soon and accept me as a part of your family. I completely understand the uneasiness I am putting you through by telling you all this, but I can’t hide my face any longer with the mask of a friend, knowing that deep in my heart I love you.”
“I will always love you. If you feel you can’t handle it, then I would gladly move away from you. I wouldn’t ever trouble you. I will live the way, I have been living till now. Only difference would be, now Sindhuja will be a part of my memories too.”

Anand rubbed the tear off his cheek and looked at Vidya whose eyes were brimming with tears too. She looked weakly at Anand. She couldn’t decide if she was angry or sad. The open confession had left her completely helpless.

“Anand…I…….I don’t know what to say. I had no idea what you had for me was more than just a friendly affection. If life has been unfair to me, your destiny hasn’t been good to you either. You deserve a happy life Anand, not just a life with memories and the yearning for love that you may never get. ” said Vidya and looked away.

She continued after a pause. “You make me happy, you make Sindhu happy. After all these years, seeing Sindhu genuinely happy has been refreshing. I have never seen her get close with any man, be it her Uncle or any of my other friends. She longed only for her dad, his touch, his talks, but with you, she is so comfortable that left me astonished many times. I like you Anand, I really do. You are such a wonderful friend to me. But I don’t know if I can ever love you. Venkat is deep etched in my heart; it isn’t easy for me to accept someone else as my husband.”

Anand sat there looking at Vidya, wishing that she wouldn’t ask him to go away. He wouldn’t be able to bear the loss one more time. Anand had come here to tell Vidya that he loved her, foolishly unprepared for the inevitable. He had poured his heart out. He was glad he had, but wished he hadn’t. He wanted to stay with Vidya and Sindhuja, and make them happy, see them happy. He nervously sat there waiting for Vidya to continue.

Vidya looked at Anand and she had never seen him look more agonised. Vidya struggled to calm down the turbulence of emotions within her. She wanted to comfort Anand and tell him that all would be fine. But she wasn’t herself sure, if it would be. Her heart hurt to see him crumble like this under the weight of his own emotions.

There were a thousand questions running in her mind. Many a times, during the past few days, she had wondered if it’s acceptable for her to feel happy when Anand was around. She couldn’t understand the new sense of contentment that had evolved into her since Anand had stepped into her life. And now knowing that Anand loves her, she didn’t know if she should continue being his friend or just ask him to go. If she had any feelings towards Anand; she didn’t want to deal with them then. She wasn’t yet ready to forget Venkat and start a new life. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready at all.

She decided to keep away the uneasiness and the questions aside and did what she thought was best, if not for both of them, at least for Sindhu.

“Anand….I…..I….. don’t want you to walk off from our lives. Please stay!”

Nothing else would have delighted Anand than hearing Vidya say those words. Anand wanted to jump in joy and shout Yaaahhhoooo, but decided against it, knowing that would only make him look like a fool and replied “Well I will stay …...But….….On one condition, you and Sindhu take a trip with me to Isle of White during the next weekend.” said Anand with a grin.

“Now what’s that?”

“Oh you will love it! It’s just a small island, not very far from here.”

“Alright!” said Vidya after a thought.

“Ok, so we leave on Saturday morning around eight and should be back by Sunday night. I will make all the arrangements!" Said Anand and got up to leave.

“Anand…” Vidya called out his name.

“Yes Vidya?”

“Thank you.” She said approaching him.

“Stay happy!” said Anand, rubbing his hand over her hair and left.

To be Continued tomorrow...............

FUEL FOR LIVING PART 5‏

PART 5

“Hey, have you been waiting for too long?” asked Vidya as she approached Anand, who was standing in front of his car gazing at the stars.

“It’s never too long waiting for you Vidya!” said Anand with a smile. Vidya shot him an amazed look as she opened the door and saw Sindhuja sleeping on the rear seat.

“She slept off? What did you do to her? Its’ never that easy with her!” exclaimed Vidya. Anand felt his heart fill with so much happiness that for a second he thought it might burst.

“She’s a darling! You don’t know how to make her sleep” said Anand feeling proud within. They got inside the car.

“Oh yeah, now you give some motherly lessons to me!” said Vidya from the back seat with an annoyed expression.

“Oops, that was supposed to be a light hearted comment. So, am I going to get the privilege of spending my evening with Sindhu tomorrow also?” asked Anand as he steered his car to the right.

“I guess so! It might be like this for the whole week.” said Vidya with bitterness in her voice.

“Marvellous! It couldn’t get any better!” said Anand grinning.

“Oh yeah, and for me it’s getting worse. My appraisal was pathetic and with CRR on the way, I wouldn’t be surprised if I get a CRR4. This issue I am working on might get escalated any minute!” said Vidya exasperated.

Not wanting to show that Anand didn’t understand much of what Vidya spoke, he just nodded his head and said “Oh its ok Vidya! Things will get better. Don’t worry.”

At the moment, without any warning, a memory from the past played in Vidya’s head. It was third semester at college and she was just about to appear for her ‘Digital systems’ lab exam. She wasn’t thoroughly prepared for the exam and she feared she might fail in the exam. She was nervously chewing on her nails when Anand who was passing through the corridor, noticed her and reassured her that everything will be fine.

Vidya fondly looked at Anand and smiled.

-----

Anand and Sindhuja spent next three evenings with each other. On Friday as Anand was dropping Vidya and Sindhuja at their place, he got a funny idea.

“Its time, you people get to taste the food made by the World’s best cook.” announced Anand.

“And who is it, may I know?” asked Vidya in a mocking voice.

“It’s me, of course! You both are invited to my place for lunch tomorrow. Sindhu baby, do you want anything in particular?”

“Gajar ka halwa” replied Sindhu almost immediately.

“Done! So it’s a deal. I’ll be here to pick you guys by 1.” Said Anand and left.

------

It was 2 by the time Anand reached Vidya’s place.

“You are late!” complained Vidya.

“I know but my lunch is surely worth the wait!” said Anand and drove them to his place.

-----

If there was any house hold chore Anand enjoyed doing, it was cooking, and he was certainly good at it. He rarely cooked, but when he did, he rocked. Vidya and Sindhuja soon were convinced that he is the best cook they have known, even if he may not be the World’s best.

“Mate, this is soooo gooood. Yummmmyyy” said Sindhuja licking her lips after eating a spoon full of gajar ka halwa.

“Anand, you seriously took me by surprise! I never knew you can cook so well.” said Vidya.

“There is heaps about me that you don’t know yet.” Said Anand subtly and lifted Sindhuja up and took her out to the garden to play while Vidya tried to make sense of what Anand had said.

As Vidya sat there watching, she could see herself and Venkat playing with Sindhu when she was younger. She saw Sindhuja holding on to Anand’s shoulders as he lifted her and threw her up in the air. She could see Venkat running behind Sindhuja to catch her. She saw Sindhuja hitting into Anand’s stomach while he acted like getting hurt. She could see Venkat hugging and kissing Sindhu.

Sindhuja’s shout jolted Vidya back into the present. She realized she was swaying between the past and the ‘now’. “Mmmooommm…Mooooommmmmm! Come here, let’s play”

Vidya ran up to Sindhuja and joined them. They played hide and seek, with mostly Anand or Vidya being the catcher. When it was Sindhuja’s turn, she argued it was unfair on the parts of adults to have a small girl do the catching job. Anand and Sindhu even managed to pull a prank on Vidya. When Vidya was blindfolded, breaking the rules Anand and Sindhu left the garden, sneaked into the house and watched Vidya try in vain to get hold of either of them. Poor Vidya realized the prank only after hearing uncontrollable laughter of both Anand and Sindhu. Removing her blindfold, her decision to go crazy on both of them for pulling the prank on her was short-lived when she saw the angel of her life laughing. Since Venkat’s death, none have been able to make Sindhu laugh out so loud. Faking toughness, she still made Sindhu the catcher as punishment for pulling the prank on her.

Anand enjoyed playing with them. He enjoyed watching Vidya trying to get close to Sindhu and then back away soon enough to escape from Sindhuja’s little hands. He enjoyed seeing Sindhu move with an unbalance, her hands desperately stretched out to catch one of them. While Vidya was trying to get close to Sindhuja, Anand caught her elbow, pulled her close and gazed deep into her eyes. Vidya caught completely off guard, stared back at him and felt something stir within her. Anand let go off her in an instant and Sindhuja was soon holding on to Anand’s trousers shouting in joy.

That little incident made Anand not very proud of himself. He had acted on his instinct, on his need to hold Vidya. He shouldn’t have done it. That must have made her uncomfortable, he told himself. He wanted to speak to Vidya and explain himself to her. He called her that night around 9.

“Hello Vidya? Anand here!”

“Hi Anand!”

“I need to talk to you in private. Can I come home now? Or can we meet tomorrow?” asked Anand

“Can’t it be done over the phone?” asked Vidya uneasily

“No, it can’t be. I won’t take much of your time.” said Anand.

“Alright, maybe we should talk right away since Sindhu is fast asleep. Just give me a missed call when you are at the door.” said Vidya.

“Ok, I will be right there.” Said Anand and rushed to his car.

To be Continued..............

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 4‏

They reached home in some time. Anand had bought some eatables for Sindhuja which she happily nibbled while roaming around the house. After playing hide and seek with her for a while, Anand put on some cartoon videos for Sindhuja and went into his study for a puff.
As he was half way through it, Sindhuja appeared on the door and said in a stern voice “Mate, that thing is supposed to be bad for health!” She walked towards him.
“Do you do it often?” she asked pointing at the cigarette he held between his fingers.

“Hey no Sindhu, I do it just once in a while….to keep my mind calm….and worriless” said Anand putting off the cigarette.

“How can that keep your mind worriless?” She asked puzzled.

“Aheemmm...Well…I don’t think of anything else when am smoking.” replied Anand hesitantly.

“Hah! You are just another man trying to justify a wrong do!” said Sindhuja folding her hands across her chest. When Anand came near and lifted her up into his arms, she continued “I don’t think you should do something that is harmful to your health. It will hurt the people who love you, and I think that I love you. So try not doing it buddy!” said Sindhuja to him with a smile.

Nothing else could have made more sense to Anand and he replied “I…..I love you too baby! I am not going to do it from now on.”

“Thanks mate. Now coming to the cartoon part, I have seen Tin Tin so many times that I am bored of it! Can we watch something else?!” asked Sindhuja.

Carrying her to the hall, Anand replied “Sure, let me think of a nice movie for us to watch. In the mean while, tell me when your birthday is?”

“It’s on May 7th. And yours?” queried Sindhuja.

“I was born on 18th June. I just remembered a movie Game Plan. It will be nice for us to watch” said Anand as he sat on the couch with Sindhuja on his lap and reached for his laptop. The movie was about a 5yrs old daughter showing up at her father’s door who has no idea that he has a daughter. In the course of time, they both develop a very strong bond with each other.

Anand and Sindhuja watched the movie munching popcorn and drinking orange juice.

After the movie was over, “It was a nice movie. I miss daddy after seeing it.” said Sindhuja in a low voice.

It was then that Anand realized his mistake of selecting the wrong movie. “Oh baby, He hasn’t left you. He is always around you to take care of you and to make sure you are happy. He will be hurt if you are sad!” said Anand trying to cheer her up.

“I know. Mom tells the same thing.”

Hoping to divert Sindhu’s attention, Anand said “Now for the fun part we will play a game that I used to play during my school days.” and he made Sindhuja sit on the couch facing him.

“Wow! Ok! I am ready.” said Sindhuja excited.

“Ok, I am going to say two things at a time and you tell me which you like better, ok? And if you are not able to make a choice, you loose!” asked Anand.

“This seems very simple! Start!” said Sindhu and clasped her hands together.

-----

“Superman or Spiderman?”
“Superman!”

“Mickey Mouse or Donald duck?”
“Donald Duck”

“Tweety or Garfield?”
“Mmm…Tweety!”

“Chocolate or Ice cream?”
“Emm….Ice cream!”

“Video games or outdoor games?”
“Both!”
“No no, you got to choose one!”
“Alright then, outdoor games.”

“India or UK?”
“Hah! Where ever mom is”
“That was smart!”
“Hehe I know! Can I now ask you the same sort of questions?”
“Sure!”

----

“Day or Night?”
“Mmmm Day!”

“Office or home?”
“Now, home!”

“Watching movie on laptop or in theatre?”
“Emmm theatre”

“Snow or rain?”
“Rain!”

“Cricket or football?”
“Football!”

“Mom or me?!”
“Hah! Both!”
“Only one, Please!”
“Ah.. Come on! Both of you are my friends!”
“You loose, then!”
“Yes, I do!”

“What do I get now?” asked Sindhuja energized.
“The one who lost, makes the one who won, laugh!” replied Anand.
“Oh yeah? Make me laugh then!”

Anand started tickling Sindhuja; she wriggled on the sofa noisily laughing and fought to catch her breath. Anand kept his hands soft on her and careful enough not to make her laugh too much. Sindhuja got down from the couch and started running away; Anand ran behind her. In just one long stride he caught her and lifted her up in the air which made her shake her head and sway her arms. She reached for his neck and started tickling him. Anand sat on the floor with Sindhu running her tiny hands over his neck and tickling him. Anand lay on the floor with Sindhuja sitting on his tummy and tickling him on his hips. He enjoyed the softness of her hands and her enthusiastic laughter which filled the house. Anand lifted his hands and said “Alright, you win this time too! Truce Truce!”

Sindhu laughed louder and rested her body over his. Anand started running his hands through her silky hair. It was almost an hour after when Anand’s cell phone vibrated under him. He slowly shifted his body trying not to wake up Sindhuja and answered the call.

“Hello Anand! My work will be done in another ten minutes. Are you sure you want to come and pick me up? I can manage!”

“I’ll be waiting at the parking area. See you” whispered Anand and disconnected the call.

He looked at Sindhuja sleeping on his chest. Her hair was clumsy, lips were slightly curved and eyes half closed. Her hands hung by the side of his body touching the floor, while her feet were firmly positioned on his thighs. He could have lain like that for hours together, he thought to himself. He slowly lifted Sindhuja and managed to get up from the floor, and placed her head on his shoulders. It was the most peaceful sleep he had had in years.

He put on his coat and with difficulty managed to make Sindhuja wear her coat, strapped her to the car’s seat and started to Vidya’s office.

To be Continued.................

FUEL FOR LIVING - PART 3‏

“Buddy! Good Morning! We are ready! Where are you?” Sindhuja asked Anand over the phone.

“Right outside your door, lovely lady!” replied Anand.

“Woaaa! So can we start?” Sindhuja asked as she opened the door and disconnected the call.

They all drove to the zoo in Anand’s car. The day was full of curious questions from Sindhuja and answers from Anand; raised eyebrows and stares from Vidya.

-----

“Buddy how do they feed the lion?”

“They sing a lullaby, the lion sleeps and then they go in and keep the meat for it to eat, before the lion wakes up!” replied Anand.

Vidya couldn’t help smiling.

-----

“Why don’t we have a zoo for humans?”

“Well, Emmmm… because it’s difficult to maintain them!”

-----
“If I want, can I take one of the monkeys home with me?”

“No baby! It needs to stay with its friends in this environment, else it will go crazy!”

-----
Vidya noticed Anand had changed a lot in the years after college. During their college days, Anand used to be paranoid about kids. He believed disaster is inevitable if he tried to socialise with kids. Hence he consciously avoided any opportunity to get along with kids. But the Anand she was looking at now, seemed a natural with kids. He put Sindhuja at ease right from the start, was very patient and comforting, kept her in good spirit all the time and was mindful of the needs of the child. Whenever Sindhu grew a little bored, he amused her with his antics. Whenever a place was crowded for some exhibition, Anand made Sindhu use his shoulders as a chair to sit and watch the show.

“Why are the animals locked up?”

“Animals are special species and at times a bit dangerous. They may harm us if provoked. So to be safe, it’s better to keep them in cages!”

----
“Do animals also go to God after they die?”

“Yes baby!”

“So, do they have zoo up in the heaven too?”

“Oh, I don’t think they will have one there.”

“Why not?”

“In heaven, everything is so beautiful and everyone is so calm and friendly that we don’t need separate place to go and visit any kind of special species. Everyone lives in harmony with each other; humans, animals, plants!”

-----
“What is harmony?”
“Emmm harmony is….”

“Sindhu, it’s time for some chocolates!” Anand was more delighted than Sindhu on hearing this. He looked gratefully at Vidya for saving him and she returned it with a warm light-hearted laugh.

The day ended the way it started – with questions from Sindhuja and she fell asleep as soon as she crashed in her bed owing to the day long trip.

“Thanks for being so patient with Sindhuja. She is never tired of asking questions!” Vidya said as Anand began to leave.

“Oh I enjoy being with her so much. She is a lovable girl!”

“But if she starts troubling you too much just tell me! She can at times drive people crazy!”

“I’ll handle her just fine. Don’t worry!” Anand said reaching for Vidya’s hand.

Vidya put her hand to cover Anand’s, smiled and said “Thanks again! See you!”

“Good night. Take care!” said Anand and left.

Vidya stood at the door staring into the darkness for a long time.

-----

Back home Anand couldn’t get sleep. He wasn’t sure what was bothering him. The fact that he was still in love with Vidya, or the question whether it is morally right to be moving close with her, when she has no idea about his feelings? He didn’t surely want Vidya to think of him as a cheap fellow who is trying to exploit her. He wanted to marry her and give her and Sindhuja the happiness that they deserve. With questions hovering in his mind, he drifted off to sleep.

-----

The next two days went on reasonably normal for Anand. He hadn’t made any calls to Vidya, knowing that she would be busy with her work. It was evening around 4 when he received a call.

“Anand? Its Vidya here!”

“Hi Vidya! How are you?”

“I am fine. I need a favour from you Anand. I know I am troubling you but I just don’t know what to do!” said Vidya.

“Vidya, don’t be so formal! Just tell me what is it?”

“Can you pick up Sindhuja from her Nanny’s place at 8 and keep her for an hour or two? I have some work which is eating up all my time since yesterday. The Nanny has some date today, which she doesn’t want to miss. She was kind enough to keep Sindhuja till 10 yesterday, though the agreement is only till 8.”

“Alright! I’ll do it! Just chill! Give me her address and you give me a call before you start from office, I’ll come and pick you up!”

“No, I’ll come to your place and pick up Sindhuja.”

“Vidya, it’s ok. I have enough money to afford petrol! I’ll come and pick you up.”

“Hey that’s not necessary!” argued Vidya.

“It is absolutely necessary. Either I take care of the whole package, or I don’t! Now out with the Nanny’s address and then get back to work.”

-----

An hour later, Anand parked his car in front of the Nanny’s house and rung the bell.
“Hello. I am Anand. I am here to pick up Sindhuja!”

“Oh yeah.” She called Sindhuja out and she came running.

“Hi buddy!” Sindhuja said to him enthusiastically.

“Hi Sindhu!”

The Nanny asked Sindhuja, “Is this your Anand Uncle?”

“Yes, he is!”

“Alright, go and pack you stuff!” said Nanny to Sindhuja.

“Please come in. It’s necessary to confirm the identity of such guardians. Nowadays child abduction is on a rise!” said the Nanny to Anand leading him to the sitting area.

“Oh, I completely agree! I am happy Sindhuja is in safe hands.” Anand said smiling.

“You are in much early than what Vidya told me!” The Nanny told Anand .

“Yeah I wanted to spend more time with Sindhu.”

Sindhuja came out with her bag and announced that she was all set to go.

“Thanks…...” hesitated Anand.

“Oh, my name is Mridula.”

“Thanks Mridula! Nice meeting you.” said Anand with a smile.

“Nice meeting you too! Bye Sindhuja!” said Mridula.



“So buddy, you are taking me to your home eh?” asked Sindhuja as soon as she had strapped her seat belt.

“Yes baby!” replied Anand as he started the car.

Lets Continue Tomorrow........................